Business out of the way first;

News Flash: You’re not going to get meaningful statistics from FB/Google, etc. because they mostly don’t exist. The few that do are simple. No one is creating anything tangible. No one has demonstrated a plan to make anything real and tangible. No one is making real money – it is rather like a gigantic Ponzi scheme; Economics 101: Advertising dollars MUST be supported by tangible goods and services, or the eventually dry up. Watch The Onion’s brilliant satire on Nike stopping the manufacture of shoes so that they can focus on their advertising campaigns. It says it better than I ever could. http://www.theonion.com/articles/nike-to-cease-manufacturing-products,1687/

Now the sage wisdom; My gosh let’s not talk about how absolutely pointless the entire FB thing is in the first place! Let’s just figure out how to worm out our little piece of the rotten pie.

Sure I have a Facebook page. I’m probably one of those Facebook deadbeats to whom you refer. Gee, sorry – I’m too busy having a real life with God, my family, my job, my music, my vintage gear, and my collection of (real) muscle and sports cars. “Easy for you…you’re rich”. Yeah right – guess what, mommy didn’t give them to me for my 21st birthday. I got them the old fashioned way! I worked hard long hours, learned the various crafts required, and most importantly I lived the culture within the actual tangible aforementioned institutions and objects. I did it hands on, instead of frittering away my time in front of a damned computer monitor. See, those of us out here in tangible-land call this activity “life in the real world”.

Sadly, people who will do the hard work required to become real-worlders seem to be distinctly in the minority these days. Oh, sure – the virtual idiots all crave the cool tangible objects (like my little collection of cool tube amps or vintage cars or whatever. We real-worlders call that “stuff”, by the way.) Yes, the virtual idiots sure want the stuff. Trouble is, when you ask one of these vidiots to spend six hours learning to love hand-blocking a Ferrari’s quarter panel to perfection so it has an actual, beautiful, non-photoshopped gloss, well guess what? They bug out. Too hard! Six hours? My arm hurts. It’s hot, this is hard, I might ruin it, Oh, don’t forget – I want it free, I want it in five to fifteen seconds, blah blah blah… Sorry, not gonna happen.

In similar fashion, they want a successful marriage, or a happy family, or simply to be known by another human being. But, RISK! Ahhhh! Nope – they won’t do the work it takes to maintain said institution. Clue – you can’t spend six hours an night on FB and expect to build a marriage or a family.

The vital point is this; everything costs. The five billion hours spent on FB last year were not free. They cost somebody something. Facebook’s purported “nine billion dollar” valuation came from somewhere, right? I’ll tell you where it came from. It came one drop at a time from the lives of millions of people who missed real life. I suspect it cost a whole bunch of people their little piece of the real world, warts and all.

See, it isn’t about “owning” the vintage cars, guitars, or tube amps…or “getting” a family. Friend, you just can’t buy your way into that part of the experience. News Flash #2: Tossing down your hundreds of thousands at Barrett Jackson doesn’t make you a real Ferrari aficionado – any more than getting a quick Vegas wedding makes you a family man. Money can’t ever get you inside these real-world sub-cultures. You have to commit to them with your life…with your whole being. Time=Life. So, in a strange sort of doppelganger, the existence of those whom you’ve labeled Facebook Deadbeats reveals a profound truth. If we real worlders are Facebook deadbeats, then those who live in Facebook, (or WoW or whatever virtual world to which they’ve run away) can be nothing more than real world deadbeats. They’ve opted out of reality, with its dirt, pain, disappointment and failures – because they can’t control these scary monsters out here in the real world. Fear of risk makes real world reward unachievable. (see “Business First”, above)

So, put that in your marketing pipe and smoke it. Facebook is a relational harlot…a worthless sucking sound which has wasted most of the five billion hours people spent there last year (or whatever it actually was). In the words of John Lennon – “imagine all the people…” Yes indeed – imagine that five billion hours if it had been put towards something meaningful! Tip – it ain’t Facebook.

Oh, and don’t worry – I’ll still spend my five minutes a month scanning my FB page.

p.s. Kudos to Deb Di Grigorio for starting to smell the rat in the woodpile about FB. Maybe Deb’s right – FB may be on the decline. Maybe people are starting to wise up and abandon this and other forms of virtual life, as the again search for real life.